the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
