I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
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yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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