We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need a beard to bite.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
