Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
