i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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