I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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