Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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