I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
