I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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