oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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