last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
