he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize