we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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