She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize