i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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