Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
