Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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