he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
