escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
