Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
