Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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