Soap is not a condiment
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
