Taylor Swift is so right about you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
