You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize