Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
