goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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