You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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