my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I puked a lego.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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