wrigley field is MILF paradise
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
