I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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