just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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