i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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