I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
