Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
