i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
