I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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