I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
