No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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