I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
