He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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