i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
