Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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