We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
we're so committed to being not committed
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