i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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