they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
