Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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