Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
