I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
