Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
