Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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