So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
