If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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