I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
