It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
