I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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