he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
