your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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