you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
