I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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