I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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