why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
