before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
