Kiss
Puke
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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