Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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