We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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