I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
