I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You can't motorboat a personality
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Someone came in the potted fern
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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