you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
