fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
