Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
