I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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