you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i need some magic done to my vagina
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
