I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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