I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
