like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
